Our society should be putting values at the forefront but we just don’t do it. The wildest thing is everybody has them. I am a firm believer in our mental health taking a dive when we live out of sync with our value system; our worldview.
It’s time for you to take back control. Love and live in your life. Values are your direction. If you haven’t taken the time to notice these in awhile or if you are unsure how you would answer “what are your values?” then your kids are likely not getting that firm understanding of theirs. Kids need parents to teach them values.
Defining Your Value System
What do you treasure? What do you believe in? How should people act? How should a person live their life? Don’t get overwhelmed with this. You don’t have time to be overwhelmed.
Write a list of 3 of your top values about anything. You probably have a million of them, really. Now, are you in-line with the 3 you wrote down? That’s hard! This is the time to be brutally honest and if I were in the room with you I’d probably be able to spot some deficiencies. No offense. How does anyone have time to live up to their value system?
It’s possible but it takes work. You’re ready for it. If you don’t feel like you are, you need to call me or reach out to me by email and we’ll just chat. No strings.
Ideas for Family Values
LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Can’t stress that enough. You are teaching your kids things even when you are not aware you are doing it.
Be creative with your value system! What can you instill to really pump up your family life? What about volunteering being an opportunity? Values are not “though shall not kill!” Values are fluid entities to point you in the direction you dream of going. What creative values do you want to live out with your family?
Explain your ideas behind your actions or lessons. “I know you’re sad right now but we’re a family which is a team. Let’s see how we can work this out together so you are not so sad.” Maybe your child is an infant, “Daddy loves you. Daddy is sorry. Let's try this.” By the way dads, infants and small kids pick up on your tone and form an attachment to you on that. Yelling can hurt that relationship. We’ll go in depth on this topic at a later time.
Value card sorts really help you to hone in on what you believe is important. There are many around. I can email you one if you can't find one yourself. Let me know. This is a process of sorting out what is most important and least important. Cheesy but effective.
Values help strengthen your family. They build resilience and they help with your connection to your kids. You will know what values you instill in your children when you hear it from their mouths at a random time, likely in public. You’ll probably feel embarrassed but you’ll secretly love it. As always, contact me if you need help. Ryan.Plasch@discoverymentalhealth.com.